bittersweet

So I just had a mostly really nice day. I was productive at work, even though I still hate my job, I felt relatively normal and happy at times, I talked to Sara who said she can road trip it out to Denison with me, I got a pedicure, I fixed a button on my jacket (trust me, that's an accomplishment), I went to drinks with some of my good girlfriends from Howard and had a great talk with my landlord. I'm so SO excited to drive out to Denison and party with my brother and Sara for a few days before graduation. Maybe it's reliving my college days which embarassingly is now 4 years ago but I'm ok with it. I'm really pumped to meet/hang out with his roommates and best friends in an environment that I feel totally comfortable in. I'm so happy I chose Denison because it was just the perfect choice for me and I made some of the best friends ever when I was there.

Although it will be slightly sad for me because I guess I always expected that Joe would be at Denison with me the next time I went out there. I assumed he would be with my family to celebrate my brother graduating 4 years after we both did. Even though we don't live in the same place and haven't for over a year, it just always seemed like a given and yet it's not. It makes me sad and want to call him because a lot of my last memories of Denison are also of Joe and the great times we had together. I guess that's partly why I'm so excited to get back, maybe reliving my college days? Although I really don't think so. More like new memories to replace old and perhaps that will help me in the grieving/getting over it/getting past it/moving on phase? I highly doubt it because I've been craving a phone call to Joe. I just know at this point it would be counterproductive, even though he has told me not to fight it. I know our paths will cross again, that I am sure of. What I am not sure of is how long it will be and how long it will take for us not being together to be the norm.