Dirty car

RK: "Can we get your car washed?"

Vitamin water

*Watching city bus with Vitamin water ad drive by*

RK: "Is that bus going to the Vitamin water store?"
Me: "That would make sense."

Secret agent

RK: "Your car looks like a secret agent car... Is it?"
Me: "I can't tell you."

Cock slap

AC mom: "Get this, A said to her sister the other day: 'If you don't shut your mouth I'm going to cock slap you!' And I know she didn't get that shit from me. I've said bitch slap, but never cock slap."

The place where black people are from

CS: "I have a pen pal named Mohammed."
Me: "Cool, where's he from?"
CS: "Way-uh's that place black people ah fwom?"

SD: "Goodness gracious!"

Birth control

SD: "Can you take me to get birth control?"

Not touching this yet

MFM: "I know where babies come out of."

Ray Romano haircut

Me: "Nice haircut."
BS: "Thanks, I was going for a Ray Romano haircut."
Me: "I see it."

I don't speak British

CS: "We have a Bwitish sub tomowoah."
Me: "Cool."
CS: "I don't wike huh. She's been ow-ah sub befoah."
Me: "Why don't you like her?"
CS: "Because she doesn't unduh-stand what we ah saying. Because she speaks a diffewent wanguage."
Me: "Um, no she doesn't. She speaks English like us."
CS: "No! She speaks Bwitish. She has to wook up ev-we-thing we say!"
Me: "Well, you should be patient with her."

Dildos, condoms, and piercings, oh my!

GMK: "My mom has everything pierced. I mean EVERYTHING. Including her boobies and crotch."
Me: "..."
GMK: "I found condoms in her room. And a dildo."
Me: "Well it's important to be safe."
GMK: "She bought the dildo at Spencer's while I was looking at something else."
Me: "Did that make you uncomfortable?"
GMK: "The dildo was gross..."
Me: "..."

It starts at age 8 huh?

*While fishing* CS: "Whose pole is longer?"