Don't got no tadpoles

SD: "I thought they were tadpoles. But we don't have no frogs in our aquarium."

Mohawk

Me: "Your haircut is sick, C."
CS: "Thanks. I weally wanted a mohawk. You know, just hay-uh in the midd-uhl. I want to dye it gween and wisten to wock and woll. I would be so coo-uhl."

Hardcore jumping jacks

AC: "I did jumping jacks for... 6 hours."
RR: "6 hours??"
AC: "Well, I took breaks."

Bigger is better

MFM: "Bigguh is bettah."

Dominant male

BS: "My dog thinks he's the dominant male. But, YOU know... snip snip!"

Caffeine or chlorine

CS: "I can't open my mouth underwater because of the caffeine."
Me: "You mean chlorine?"
CS: "No, I mean caffeine."

No more laxatives for you!

BS: "I've had diarrhea every day for the past two years."