Pinecone

SD: "What is this? A pinecone?"
Me: "... I think it's a hedgehog."

*Ten minutes later*

SD: "It's a porcupine!"
Me: "Yes, yes it is."

Best friend

DR: "Becca, you're my best friend."

Wear your hair down, Becca

MFM: "Becca, next time we meet, can you way-uh yo-ah hay-uh down? You always way-uh it in a ponytail."
Me: "I do?" (Yes, I do, because she constantly has lice and I don't want to get it...)

Testicles

AJ: "Do you guys know what testicles are?"

Bad pwesident

CS: "I don't want Obama to be pwesident."
Me: "Why?"
CS: "Because he wants to kill all the home-wess people and the weally weally wich."

Grandson

MF: "Becca, do you have a son?"
Me: "No..."

*Pause*

Me: "Why do you ask M?"
MF: "Because of the picture of the little boy in your office." (Pointing)
Me: "Oh, no."
MF: "Do you have a grandson?"

Sleeping raccoon

SD: "Ew, there's a dead raccoon in the middle of the road."
Me: "Yeah."
SD: "Maybe it's just sleeping..."

Snake pee

KF: "Do you know what else salmonella is in?
Group: "What?"
KF: "Snake pee."