You should see me in the winter

RM: "Becca, you're so pale. Are you a vampire?"

Not the word you're thinking of

J: "Want to hear something funny? I just saw someone changing and he was naked!"
DP: "That's not funny..."
EA: "He just said the 'N' word!!"

Tanning backwards

JM: "If I tan will I turn into a white person?"

Fact: how seagulls have babies

PB: "Do you know why there are so many seagulls here?"
Me: "Why?"
PB: "Because seagulls poop out babies."

Living Skills fail

MD: "I'm going to be pregnant when I'm 18."
Me: "Clearly I have not done my job."

Excuse me, where can I find the nearest baby store?

GB: "What's your kid's name?"
Me: "What kid?"
GB: "Don't you have a kid?"
Me: "Oh, no. I don't have any."
GB: "You want to know what you should do? You should buy a baby."
Me: "I'll look into it."