Point taken

MD: "S is taking me skiing this year!"
Me: "Yeah? Are you going downhill?"
MD: "I'm not going UPHILL Becca!"

Adorable

CS: "So, how's yo-ah day going so fah?"

Clearing things up

CS: "I stole a lollipop befo-uh."
Me: "You have? Did your mom find out?"
CS: "Well, I lied to huh fust but then she found out and I was gwounded."
Me: "I bet it taught you that actions have consequences right?"
CS: "Yeah. Did you know anotha word fo-uh thief is muh-duh-wuh? So I'm a muh-duh-wuh."
Me: "No, no C. Those are not the same thing. You are not a murderer."

And it's white MEN anyway

MD: "Did you know white girls can't jump?" (As she's jumping...)

I wonder if he knows all his fans call him that

MD: "Can you play Justin Beaver?"
Bowling Attendant: "Justin Beaver or Justin Bieber?"
MD: "Justin Beaver."

Turkey cupcakes

I know this isn't a quote but have you ever watched a child crack an egg while you are patiently trying to explain to them how to just get the egg whites into the bowl (after demonstrating)?

Picture this: a child of 7 years old taking a nice big brown egg out of the carton, watching you (me) crack the egg and add only the whites. He then proceeds to get close to the bowl and you think, ok, maybe he can! And he lifts the hand with the egg up and towards the bowl, closes his fist around the egg... and squeezes. Hard. Not only does he get the yolk and eggshells involved in the bowl, but he mostly missed the bowl. I'd say the majority of the cupcake making process involved a wet dishcloth cleaning up the 3 or 4 egg disasters.

Logic

CS: "You know my gwamuh?"
Me: "I do, yeah."
CS: "Huh last name is Whitehouse. Do you know why?"
Me: "Why?"
CS: "Because she wivs in a white house!.... O-ah maybe it's because she's welated to the pwesident. Because the pwesident lives in the White House!"

What what in the butt

(Talking to CS's mom, V, about having to cancel our appointment because CS was puking and had diarrhea)

V: "Yeah, he thinks it's really funny when he goes to the bathroom to pee and the pee comes out of his butt."
Me: "Hahaha, at least he's in good spirits over there!"


I'm sorry, my humor has not progressed past that of a 10 year old boy. Poop jokes will always be funny to me.

Knock knock

MD: "What did the donkey do when he went to bed?"
Me: "Fell asleep?"
MD: "Peed his pants!!!"

field trip

DR: "Next time can you take me to outer space?"
Me: "If you find the space ship, I'll drive you there D."

I will never win

MD: "A little too heavy on the makeup today, Becca."

That works

(Doing an advanced yoga pose)
S: "What should our safe word be?"
M: "Get OFF!"

droppin' names like it's hot

DR: "Do you know who sings this song?"
Me: "I think it's Timbaland."
DR: "Oh... I thought it was Jay-Z."
Me: "Do you like Jay-Z?"
DR: "Yeah. I went to see him when I was a baby."
Me: "You saw him in concert as a baby?"
DR: "No, I saw him. I went to his family members' funeral. We're related."
Me: "You're related to Jay-Z?"
DR: "Yeah, he's my cousin."